"Today's special moments are tomorrow's memories.
And I'm already part of your long lost memory.
All those promises left unfulfilled, all those time left unspent.
And all those heartbeats are only left with heart wrench.
How much time spent missing is how much time used to try forgetting.
How much pain the heart tolerate is how much smile i'll try to fake.
No, I'm not alright, for i am trying too hard not to cry.
But i will take my medication, one day at a time.
For which it is time which makes today's special moment, into nothingness of tomorrow."
-A Travelling Rabbit
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Sunday, October 21, 2012
The Bad News
You see, when the one that you cared doesnt care about you, its a bad news.
And yea, when things and life gets busy, no one is free to give a damn about you anymore.
So much for being friends, good friends, best friends in some part of your life.
I just visited the doctor on friday.
My shoulder is fucked. its either physio or operation.
Guess sports is no longer possible for me.
im feeling weak in my knees.
now where can i find strength?
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Help?
You see, you wanted to help someone you think who is in trouble. You want to save someone who is in distress. You want to do it, because you can.
But then again,
here comes the sad part.
Are the other party willing to accept your help?
Are they willing to be saved?
I was always trapped in the thinking of lending a helping hand, and to guide those in trouble back to the right path. But then again, what is the right path? How do you define the right path? How naive am i? why am i protecting people who dont want to be protected? isnt that giving them more trouble than alleviating it, which was the original purpose? why do i care so much when doing such thing would mean that it is right, but makes that person hate you?
I always thought smoking and drinking is bad, and advise people to not take on that path. But seriously? What the society perceived as bad doesnt mean it is bad. Smoking makes people more sociable and outgoing, while having booze does help relieve stress, which is why my drinking habits got worst after university matriculation.
An typical example was about this particular friend, i shall name him phil. he used to be like me, wearing polo tee to school, seldom skip lessons, and do not smoke nor drink. however, as time goes by, he slowly changed his fashion sense, which was a good thing. but the bad also followed. clubbing, drinking and eventually smoke. i told him off. urged him to quit. but he didnt heed my advice. for the benefits he sees is that he is getting the ladies attention, and he is enjoying the current new friends company, living a life of party and fun. we drifted, as we have major difference in lifestyle now. he turned out to be okay. what i perceived of the society of thinking smokers are bad people are grossly wrong.
I was once told off by my mum, for telling my younger cousin to sit gracefully instead of sitting like a gangster. She told me"why make them hate you when their own parents are okay with their behaviour?"
At that time, i yelled back and talked about what is right, being so self righteous.
But now, i get it. Some people just dont need that help, and they can still be well. Forcing your so called righteous idea on other doesnt mean you are righteous. It is like propaganda, you just want more people to agree with you, or follow strictly to the society norms.
I was watching Fate Zero, and the showed talked about a hero. There were a total of 500passengers on 2 boats, one with 200 passengers, while the other with 300. both boats are leaking, and you are the only shipwright who can repair the boat. Which one would you choose?
The obvious answer is the one with 300 person.
but before u can help out the boat with 300 person, u have to kill all people of the other boat as they have turned aggressive towards you as you gave up on them.
yes, we can argue that its for the good of the majority.
now, the boat with 300 people split again.
100 in one, 200 in another.
same situation, you have to kill everyone in the boat that you didnt choose.
that would mean 100 more.
so in total, didnt we kill 300 people, and only save 200?
so why bother?
when you do not do them a favour, you are mostly a threat to others.
even if you are willing to help and save people, some would not accept them. for right or wrong is not judged by what the mainstream thinks, but to be determined by what you truly believe in.
Welcome to Reality
though a little late,
but yea.
But then again,
here comes the sad part.
Are the other party willing to accept your help?
Are they willing to be saved?
I was always trapped in the thinking of lending a helping hand, and to guide those in trouble back to the right path. But then again, what is the right path? How do you define the right path? How naive am i? why am i protecting people who dont want to be protected? isnt that giving them more trouble than alleviating it, which was the original purpose? why do i care so much when doing such thing would mean that it is right, but makes that person hate you?
I always thought smoking and drinking is bad, and advise people to not take on that path. But seriously? What the society perceived as bad doesnt mean it is bad. Smoking makes people more sociable and outgoing, while having booze does help relieve stress, which is why my drinking habits got worst after university matriculation.
An typical example was about this particular friend, i shall name him phil. he used to be like me, wearing polo tee to school, seldom skip lessons, and do not smoke nor drink. however, as time goes by, he slowly changed his fashion sense, which was a good thing. but the bad also followed. clubbing, drinking and eventually smoke. i told him off. urged him to quit. but he didnt heed my advice. for the benefits he sees is that he is getting the ladies attention, and he is enjoying the current new friends company, living a life of party and fun. we drifted, as we have major difference in lifestyle now. he turned out to be okay. what i perceived of the society of thinking smokers are bad people are grossly wrong.
I was once told off by my mum, for telling my younger cousin to sit gracefully instead of sitting like a gangster. She told me"why make them hate you when their own parents are okay with their behaviour?"
At that time, i yelled back and talked about what is right, being so self righteous.
But now, i get it. Some people just dont need that help, and they can still be well. Forcing your so called righteous idea on other doesnt mean you are righteous. It is like propaganda, you just want more people to agree with you, or follow strictly to the society norms.
I was watching Fate Zero, and the showed talked about a hero. There were a total of 500passengers on 2 boats, one with 200 passengers, while the other with 300. both boats are leaking, and you are the only shipwright who can repair the boat. Which one would you choose?
The obvious answer is the one with 300 person.
but before u can help out the boat with 300 person, u have to kill all people of the other boat as they have turned aggressive towards you as you gave up on them.
yes, we can argue that its for the good of the majority.
now, the boat with 300 people split again.
100 in one, 200 in another.
same situation, you have to kill everyone in the boat that you didnt choose.
that would mean 100 more.
so in total, didnt we kill 300 people, and only save 200?
so why bother?
when you do not do them a favour, you are mostly a threat to others.
even if you are willing to help and save people, some would not accept them. for right or wrong is not judged by what the mainstream thinks, but to be determined by what you truly believe in.
Welcome to Reality
though a little late,
but yea.
Monday, May 28, 2012
ONE FULL CYCLE
It all started out as a preparation for the real thing.
i wasnt very fit to begin with, hence with that in mind, i told myself that i would train up and do a full marathon, one year later.
I started off with sundown marathon as alvin and zj both went fer the 42km, and as i wasnt confident and dont wanna waste money not completing, i went fer the 10km instead. In fact, this 10km is the only run that i really put in effort to train, as i was in army, and still very free to do some light run and stuffs.
though i didnt do it in an awesome timing, im glad that i finished it as at that time, i still find it quite hard.
But still, i beat the sunrise!
Then, the time came where i need to sign up for my next marathon, and naturally, the half marathon is within reach. i signed up for Standard Charted Marathon half marathon(21km) and started light training, as it is supposed to be in december, which means i have a lot of time.
Suddenly, ty called to ask if we wanna join addidas king of the road run (kotr). I signed up immediately, and sl also did so. however, the rest didnt follow as they are lazy to run and ty, as usual, ps us.
kotr was hell. i didnt train much other than lifesaving training with sch, hectic school life just started, things are all haywire, and i injured my knee just a few weeks before the run.
completed it nonetheles,, with some difficulty and pain, and of course, crap timing.
The long awaited half marathon came, and im suprised that im given such an awesome route to run! Sentosa and into RWS and also inside USS!! the run is a feast to the eyes as i get to see the then very new transformer display inside USS. i did this as a solo run as no one else joined me. as the start and end points are different place, the baggages are being transported from one place to another. thus the logistic to check in our bags are cocked up, and some runners have to run with their bags!! i started one whole hour late, but im definitely not alone, as many of us are stucked at the baggage area. this run is damn early in the morning, and as times go, it gets hotter and hotter. its hard to run as i started to feel the heat and have a headache halfway thru the run. As i was running, i felt like giving up as the cramps kept acting up and i was quite convinced that i couldnt complete the full marathon i expect to complete as even the half marathon is already killing me. Then, an old man ran past me and asked, if im okay. he even spurred me to continue as given his age, he is doing the full marathon and still going strong at 30+km. that is when i decided, even if i take full 8 hrs, i must complete the full marathon @sundown.
anyway, if i didnt remember wrongly, SCMS was on 5 dec, which is on my dad's birthday. and again, timing wasnt very important to me, as completion is already an amazing feat for me. run for a reason? to prepare fer Sundown 2012
The Singapore Zoo Run was a joke. i forgot who brought it up, but in the end, only me, zj and alvin signed up for it. sl who always wanted to go to zoo didnt join us as he CLAIMED that he forgot about it and didnt sign up before it closed. it was a 12km run inside zoo for 2 rounds, and it commences very early in the morning. we were damn afraid zj would oversleep as he always does it. this wasnt even a run for us, as all 3 of us were happily touring the zoo, taking photos and talking cock. we walked finish the entire 12km, being the very very last few to complete the run. Nonetheless, the zoo touring and awesomely designed medal made the run to commemorate the passing of Singapore's iconic Orang Utan, Ah Meng, worthwhile.
i wasnt very fit to begin with, hence with that in mind, i told myself that i would train up and do a full marathon, one year later.
I started off with sundown marathon as alvin and zj both went fer the 42km, and as i wasnt confident and dont wanna waste money not completing, i went fer the 10km instead. In fact, this 10km is the only run that i really put in effort to train, as i was in army, and still very free to do some light run and stuffs.
though i didnt do it in an awesome timing, im glad that i finished it as at that time, i still find it quite hard.
Then, the time came where i need to sign up for my next marathon, and naturally, the half marathon is within reach. i signed up for Standard Charted Marathon half marathon(21km) and started light training, as it is supposed to be in december, which means i have a lot of time.
Suddenly, ty called to ask if we wanna join addidas king of the road run (kotr). I signed up immediately, and sl also did so. however, the rest didnt follow as they are lazy to run and ty, as usual, ps us.
kotr was hell. i didnt train much other than lifesaving training with sch, hectic school life just started, things are all haywire, and i injured my knee just a few weeks before the run.
The long awaited half marathon came, and im suprised that im given such an awesome route to run! Sentosa and into RWS and also inside USS!! the run is a feast to the eyes as i get to see the then very new transformer display inside USS. i did this as a solo run as no one else joined me. as the start and end points are different place, the baggages are being transported from one place to another. thus the logistic to check in our bags are cocked up, and some runners have to run with their bags!! i started one whole hour late, but im definitely not alone, as many of us are stucked at the baggage area. this run is damn early in the morning, and as times go, it gets hotter and hotter. its hard to run as i started to feel the heat and have a headache halfway thru the run. As i was running, i felt like giving up as the cramps kept acting up and i was quite convinced that i couldnt complete the full marathon i expect to complete as even the half marathon is already killing me. Then, an old man ran past me and asked, if im okay. he even spurred me to continue as given his age, he is doing the full marathon and still going strong at 30+km. that is when i decided, even if i take full 8 hrs, i must complete the full marathon @sundown.
The Singapore Zoo Run was a joke. i forgot who brought it up, but in the end, only me, zj and alvin signed up for it. sl who always wanted to go to zoo didnt join us as he CLAIMED that he forgot about it and didnt sign up before it closed. it was a 12km run inside zoo for 2 rounds, and it commences very early in the morning. we were damn afraid zj would oversleep as he always does it. this wasnt even a run for us, as all 3 of us were happily touring the zoo, taking photos and talking cock. we walked finish the entire 12km, being the very very last few to complete the run. Nonetheless, the zoo touring and awesomely designed medal made the run to commemorate the passing of Singapore's iconic Orang Utan, Ah Meng, worthwhile.
though this is definitely nth to be proud of and shldnt really be considered sth tt i have completed, its fun to share about this!!
Lastly, after mentally preparing for 1 full year, the Sundown Marathon 2012 Light Up The City came. this time, 42km, with half in town, the other half down ecp and back. the route itself is already awesome enuff to deter people who didnt train at all to attempt it. i did it with 1 day after a binge eating and binge alcohol trip from taiwan, attended chiobu91 birthday party 2 hours before the run, and of course, with plans already planned fer sunday night(simin bday) and today(bbq) and ultimately, national vertical marathon days away.
As if it wasnt stressful and taxing enough, it rained the whole damn bloody night. heavy winds, heavy rain all the way, and im at ecp, which is beside the sea. all i was wearing is a singlet and my shoes insoles kept coming out as it is all soaking wet.
this is the first time i completed it, though with fucked timing, it was damn awesome experience.
woohoo.. now i shall wear my finisher tee to bbq!!
i think i will not attempt anymore 42km after this..
Saturday, April 14, 2012
faith in humanity
I used to believe that there are things done is for the good of others, and if you are able to help, you would feel good when you help people.
Used to.
My life changed when i got into working part time, and my experiences in polytechnic
i was inspired to go for lifeguard course because one of my friend got it.
i hoped to be a lifeguard so that i could help people, as i used to be a weak swimmer myself.
However, as i entered the wild wild wet, i realised that people there are not to help. some work for the money, some work for the fact that they get to see girls, some work for the authority and power bestowed to them.
as i applied to join OCIP2007 in sp, i thought it would be great to meet a group of kind hearted people who want to go help out the overseas underpriviledged committee. i was again proven very wrong. as OCIP allows eee students to clear it as their industrial training program, many year 2 applied for it in hope of a relaxed attachment plus fun time being overseas. this program also guarantees a A in ITP.
i lost faith in humanity.
i started to believe that everything one do is for the benefits that it comes with.
in uni, i applied for WSC OVE. i haven had a chance to really know them.
this project is voluntarily. it doesnt give incentive. so i really hope to know some real people. but then again, theres portfolio building.
then, i get to know a girl.
she volunteers with wsc.
i first thought she was one of those that wanted portfolio building again.
i was wrong.
"i dont want anything i do to be some sort of bonus, it would be sad like that."
im awaken. i already forgotten the real meaning of giving.
it is to ask for no return.
it is to be only accountable to yourself.
that was the reason why i took lifeguarding. to guard.
that was the reason i had standard first aid and aed+cpr. to save.
that was the reason i wanted to do community service. to help.
and because i can.
Friday, April 6, 2012
In a mess
Exam is here real soon.
Im still in a mess.
The girl that made me cry so much.
Found her true prince.
Her decision is made, and im not the choice
I moved on.
She was there all along.
Just never knew her well.
One fine day i was freaking impressed by her.
Oh the poise the charm and the caring
Not sure if im infatuated or pure despo.
I really took long to notice such special girl
Den again, taken.
Just how lucky am i?
Guess im destined to be foreveralone
Blogged from iphone
How cool is that?
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Appearance
Often, we would hear people say that they do not bother about how their friends look like, nor they care about how their partner look like.
My question to you, just how true is that?
I would just point out a simple example.
Cockroaches. Many girls would squeak their lungs out when they see one.
But then again, why are they afraid of cockroaches?
The harmful effect of cockroach is that they carry germs that might cause food poisoning due to the places they travel. Now, if it is the dirtiness they are worried about, wouldn't they be also afraid of their computer keyboards, which is said to carry 5 times more bacteria compared to a toilet seat?
Truth is, even though they are completely harmless (other than being dirty and maybe smelly) and they don't bite, people still do not like them. WHY?
Let's face it. It is because they are ugly and horrendous looking.
So much for not bothering about looks.
Fun facts about cockroaches:
Crushed cockroaches are pain relievers.
They are currently being researched for medicinal values
People do eat them for nourishment.
They eats bedbugs
They DO NOT bite.
They do not have any disease, but due to the places they stay in, which is dirty, makes their body dirty.
(they are like stray animals, if given a good "bath", they will be clean)
They are good adapters of environment. (literally stays anywhere other than super cold places)
They are not picky about food.
They survived for 400million years, same era as dinosaurs.
Might be the first flying animal on earth
Some species can digest wood lika termite!
They can survive 1 month without their head
They can hold their breath for 40 minutes
They can run up to 3km/hr
They sleep for about 75% of the day.
So, there are so many stuffs we human should learn from a cockroach, so, why hate them?
But the sad truth, we are all superficial.
This little example explains it all.
http://www.internet4classrooms.com/susan/cockroach_factpage.htm
http://www.planetcockroach.com/roach-bite.html
http://www.funfacts.com.au/cockroach-facts/
My question to you, just how true is that?
I would just point out a simple example.
Cockroaches. Many girls would squeak their lungs out when they see one.
But then again, why are they afraid of cockroaches?
The harmful effect of cockroach is that they carry germs that might cause food poisoning due to the places they travel. Now, if it is the dirtiness they are worried about, wouldn't they be also afraid of their computer keyboards, which is said to carry 5 times more bacteria compared to a toilet seat?
Truth is, even though they are completely harmless (other than being dirty and maybe smelly) and they don't bite, people still do not like them. WHY?
Let's face it. It is because they are ugly and horrendous looking.
So much for not bothering about looks.
Fun facts about cockroaches:
Crushed cockroaches are pain relievers.
They are currently being researched for medicinal values
People do eat them for nourishment.
They eats bedbugs
They DO NOT bite.
They do not have any disease, but due to the places they stay in, which is dirty, makes their body dirty.
(they are like stray animals, if given a good "bath", they will be clean)
They are good adapters of environment. (literally stays anywhere other than super cold places)
They are not picky about food.
They survived for 400million years, same era as dinosaurs.
Might be the first flying animal on earth
Some species can digest wood lika termite!
They can survive 1 month without their head
They can hold their breath for 40 minutes
They can run up to 3km/hr
They sleep for about 75% of the day.
So, there are so many stuffs we human should learn from a cockroach, so, why hate them?
But the sad truth, we are all superficial.
This little example explains it all.
http://www.internet4classrooms.com/susan/cockroach_factpage.htm
http://www.planetcockroach.com/roach-bite.html
http://www.funfacts.com.au/cockroach-facts/
how long has it been?
it has been a few weeks since we "thrashed things out"
have i really gave u up after that painful rejection?
you said things didnt become better because of what happened 1 week later.
i think they are mutually exclusive, you think they are not.
i didnt bother arguing, i just didnt want u to be upset over it.
afterall, even telling u all those bullshit, it would just be excuses to you.
i sat down and calm down and think.
i needed to do this. i cant juggle with such stress together with all those crap deadline and upcoming small test that would not kill, but cost me a grade.
i know there is nothing i could do to change your mind; my impression in ur eyes are of worst than crap.
you said i were a friend, thats why u even bothered.
have u ever wondered why no one bothered? are u trying to tell me i have led a sad life fer 23years with no true friend until your appearance? did u ever think why am i doing all these at all? have you ever look at me properly before?
i said sorry and thank you fer your concern instead of questioning you.
you said i took my time far too long.
tested your patience. made u scold me and confronted me.
i said im sorry again. i dont want to argue. i can go non stop. but i dun see a point in it.
you will only hate me more if i do that.
i will become the childish one again if i do that.
u want me to stop loving you, to be your friend.
i tried my best.
i disturbs my friends. i irritate them sometimes. i have bad days and might sound nasty or bad to them sometimes.
you said im out to piss u off deliberately, and made everyone else angry.
you wanna know how bad is that impact on me? 3 shots of chivas, 2 of jack's and a mixture of chivas, jack and midori worth approx 3 shots.
you said "i thought things would become better after we thrashed things out, unfortunately, no"
you wanna know how disappointed am i? you didnt even take into account of all those hardwork i have put in. you judged me on a single occasion and when you werent the only target of my pissing off.
what the FUCK do u exactly want?
its about time to realise.
i like you. alot.
i will give u up eventually, just not yet, not now.
ignore me, scold me, cold treatment me, whatever.
it might work. but at the same time, you also kill our friendship.
so yea, i will hide all these feelings.
its hidden, not lost.
and its up to u to decide.
afraid of giving me false hope? if i ever believed in it, i would never be so emo.
this is not for you to read.
i just need to compose something for a special day like 29/2/2012.
LOL.
happy leap year day!!
(Above are fake and fictitious, for entertainment purpose only. NO IM SERIOUS, dont doubt me u pussy few who visit here )
have i really gave u up after that painful rejection?
you said things didnt become better because of what happened 1 week later.
i think they are mutually exclusive, you think they are not.
i didnt bother arguing, i just didnt want u to be upset over it.
afterall, even telling u all those bullshit, it would just be excuses to you.
i sat down and calm down and think.
i needed to do this. i cant juggle with such stress together with all those crap deadline and upcoming small test that would not kill, but cost me a grade.
i know there is nothing i could do to change your mind; my impression in ur eyes are of worst than crap.
you said i were a friend, thats why u even bothered.
have u ever wondered why no one bothered? are u trying to tell me i have led a sad life fer 23years with no true friend until your appearance? did u ever think why am i doing all these at all? have you ever look at me properly before?
i said sorry and thank you fer your concern instead of questioning you.
you said i took my time far too long.
tested your patience. made u scold me and confronted me.
i said im sorry again. i dont want to argue. i can go non stop. but i dun see a point in it.
you will only hate me more if i do that.
i will become the childish one again if i do that.
u want me to stop loving you, to be your friend.
i tried my best.
i disturbs my friends. i irritate them sometimes. i have bad days and might sound nasty or bad to them sometimes.
you said im out to piss u off deliberately, and made everyone else angry.
you wanna know how bad is that impact on me? 3 shots of chivas, 2 of jack's and a mixture of chivas, jack and midori worth approx 3 shots.
you said "i thought things would become better after we thrashed things out, unfortunately, no"
you wanna know how disappointed am i? you didnt even take into account of all those hardwork i have put in. you judged me on a single occasion and when you werent the only target of my pissing off.
what the FUCK do u exactly want?
its about time to realise.
i like you. alot.
i will give u up eventually, just not yet, not now.
ignore me, scold me, cold treatment me, whatever.
it might work. but at the same time, you also kill our friendship.
so yea, i will hide all these feelings.
its hidden, not lost.
and its up to u to decide.
afraid of giving me false hope? if i ever believed in it, i would never be so emo.
this is not for you to read.
i just need to compose something for a special day like 29/2/2012.
LOL.
happy leap year day!!
(Above are fake and fictitious, for entertainment purpose only. NO IM SERIOUS, dont doubt me u pussy few who visit here )
Saturday, February 4, 2012
10 songs for valentine
valentine day is coming yet again, and it marks my 23rd year of being #foreveralone.
in order to mark the countdown, i shall post 1 song a day on fb..
however, as im going thru all those songs, i found too many new songs tts are awesome, hence shall put them here and i shall choose from here wat i wanna post on fb =D
in order to mark the countdown, i shall post 1 song a day on fb..
however, as im going thru all those songs, i found too many new songs tts are awesome, hence shall put them here and i shall choose from here wat i wanna post on fb =D
五月天【星空】
方大同 - 因為你
五月天【我不願讓你一個人】
林俊傑 - 當你
品冠 - 我以為
洋蔥 yang cong
王力宏 -依然愛你
王力宏「你不知道的事」
庾澄慶 - 情非得已
陶喆-普通朋友
林宥嘉-我愛的人
林俊傑-學不會
awww.. more den 10 liao.. fml
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
2012 is here!
Well,
i guess i took quite long to come up with this post.
but then again, i dun expect anyone still come here to read anything.
so yupz, its alright since im keeping it as a diary fer myself.
ITS THE NEW YEAR RESOLUTION POST!
2011 has been great, i have complete most of what i want to do.
http://flarehare.blogspot.com/2011/01/2010-recap-and-2011-new-year-resolution.html
my lifeguard licence back,
a powerboat license,
a good grade in uni,
further improvements in my skills of computer and photography,
learn photoshop,
perfect cycling( YES BICYCLE )
do one short marathon
improve fitness and lose some fucking weight
***** GET A GIRLFRIEND****
well, the powerboat license was so close until the last min shortage of funds and time.
Good grade has became a dream as i already felt lost as to what is considered good, bad or average.
full B+ considered great?
photography improvement have been sort of impaired as im getting lazy, and computer skills are fairly stagnent as there is nothing much for me to do.
cycling has been just a 3 minute thingy.
Lastly, despite uni open the floodgate of knowing many girls, i have been only successful in entering only the friendzone, with a permanent residency there. FML MAX THANKS.
broke my fucked arm again, not cool at all. but well, just hope i dun have to go thru that 3 weeks of op recovery + 6mth physio again.. that was hell.
but then again, was happy with current fitness, got back BM, did a 10km(sundown), 16.8km(king of the road) and 21km(standard charted)
All in all, 2011 was fairly wonderful, though it would have been a blast if i got the girl of my dream instead of perma locked in friendzone.
So its 2012, i need new goals.
here it goes.
-push up the fucking gpa
-work towards staying hall fer nxt yr
-work on relationships with friends(faculty, 134, 7, dbe, classmates and of course, oners and MANY MOREEEE)
-go fer that crazy 42km sundown and complete it lika boss( yes i signed up)
-prepare fer biathalon fer 2013 if the world didnt end (procrastinated fer quite few YEARS)
-GROW UP( i wonder why is it a resolution though it comes naturally to many people)
-get a few more interesting license (POWERBOAT is not forgotten, and maybe a 1 star kayak is nice)
- learn photoshop, video editing and some useful programming which involves graphic (python c++ and suchs are useless fer doing impressive stuffs fer girls.. haha)
- lose weight has never been forgotten( in term of exercise)
-eat less and be thrifty( was spending far too much, and best part? im not doing part time, which made me all the more guilty)
****maybe i have tried far too hard fer a girlfriend, so fer tis year, it shall be,
-LOOK OUT FER POTENTIAL GIRLS. (though as of 10/1/12, i already had my eyes set on one, but i guess if i dont do something about giving her up, i will just fall deeper and get on her nerves more and more often. its not a good thing fer her, and the last thing i want is fer her to hate me)
****
for now, all these shall be good enough...
might just add a few more side tasks on the way!!
haha...
hope this year will have more success with completing these resolution.
b3n
i guess i took quite long to come up with this post.
but then again, i dun expect anyone still come here to read anything.
so yupz, its alright since im keeping it as a diary fer myself.
ITS THE NEW YEAR RESOLUTION POST!
2011 has been great, i have complete most of what i want to do.
http://flarehare.blogspot.com/2011/01/2010-recap-and-2011-new-year-resolution.html
a powerboat license,
a good grade in uni,
further improvements in my skills of computer and photography,
learn photoshop,
perfect cycling( YES BICYCLE )
improve fitness
***** GET A GIRLFRIEND****
well, the powerboat license was so close until the last min shortage of funds and time.
Good grade has became a dream as i already felt lost as to what is considered good, bad or average.
full B+ considered great?
photography improvement have been sort of impaired as im getting lazy, and computer skills are fairly stagnent as there is nothing much for me to do.
cycling has been just a 3 minute thingy.
Lastly, despite uni open the floodgate of knowing many girls, i have been only successful in entering only the friendzone, with a permanent residency there. FML MAX THANKS.
broke my fucked arm again, not cool at all. but well, just hope i dun have to go thru that 3 weeks of op recovery + 6mth physio again.. that was hell.
but then again, was happy with current fitness, got back BM, did a 10km(sundown), 16.8km(king of the road) and 21km(standard charted)
All in all, 2011 was fairly wonderful, though it would have been a blast if i got the girl of my dream instead of perma locked in friendzone.
So its 2012, i need new goals.
here it goes.
-push up the fucking gpa
-work towards staying hall fer nxt yr
-work on relationships with friends(faculty, 134, 7, dbe, classmates and of course, oners and MANY MOREEEE)
-go fer that crazy 42km sundown and complete it lika boss( yes i signed up)
-prepare fer biathalon fer 2013 if the world didnt end (procrastinated fer quite few YEARS)
-GROW UP( i wonder why is it a resolution though it comes naturally to many people)
-get a few more interesting license (POWERBOAT is not forgotten, and maybe a 1 star kayak is nice)
- learn photoshop, video editing and some useful programming which involves graphic (python c++ and suchs are useless fer doing impressive stuffs fer girls.. haha)
- lose weight has never been forgotten( in term of exercise)
-eat less and be thrifty( was spending far too much, and best part? im not doing part time, which made me all the more guilty)
****maybe i have tried far too hard fer a girlfriend, so fer tis year, it shall be,
-LOOK OUT FER POTENTIAL GIRLS. (though as of 10/1/12, i already had my eyes set on one, but i guess if i dont do something about giving her up, i will just fall deeper and get on her nerves more and more often. its not a good thing fer her, and the last thing i want is fer her to hate me)
****
for now, all these shall be good enough...
might just add a few more side tasks on the way!!
haha...
hope this year will have more success with completing these resolution.
b3n
Monday, December 5, 2011
Complicated
The release of the awesome show “那些年，我们一起追的女孩” made me think about a lot of stuffs, as partly because it depicted school life and love life relating to school in a way. And these are the things that is close to my heart.
Year 1 Sem 1 has ended, and i kind of regret doing several stupid stuffs throughout this short period of time. Though it was a fun and enriching experience, and i have been able to experience many of my first time, there are still things that cock up and would be always there in me for life.
As always, im lost again in the game of love, and had sort of changed target in a short span of time. This would have been a deadly move as anyone you know would have deemed you a flirt and poof, game over fer you. But really, i didnt realise somethings until it had happened. She is just so sweet, so kind, and so nice, and that i have accidentally fallen for her.
But, im not taken seriously like always. The speed of change is too fast. I screwed up. I should have waited, and impulsiveness have been proven lethal once again. Well, there are things that not everyone know. Would you waste time writing a useless program just for the girl you like? Would you be taking note of exactly what type of guys she like just to work towards someone she might double take? Would you of all, treat her like a princess and constantly feed her? But yea, that doesnt mean she would and must like me back.
Life is unfair. 我一直认为只要有毅力和耐力，我始终会追到她。但当我到终点时，我才发现，她以经远走高飞了。
However hard i try, i will never build an impression of the awesome guy she would like in her.
Another big regret is the super time wasting lifesaving course. Though i got recerified, i just realised that i couldnt commit my weekends like how i did during poly years mainly because of all those heavy commitments with hall and faculty. Thus, if my results were to suffer, the biggest culprit would definitely be this stupid CCA which takes 4 out of 5 days a week.
The negligence of faculty mates are also a problem. We used to be so close when the term just started. However, im losing them as time goes by as i could not catch up with all their activities due to my heavy schedules. if i were to choose again, i will not neglect them as much as i do now.
Hall life is awesome. i love it. now, can i still stay on after next sem?
i can only work hard.
but well, even if i couldnt, these experience will live in me forever.
Oh, and this post is supposed to be written to remind me in written form that, even if she continues to treat me nicely, it doesnt mean i still have a chance. it just meant she is nice to everyone, and ur just an everyone to her. Not the special one.
I.need.to.give.up.before.irritating.her.
拜托你不要给我答案，我没有问你，所以你不可以拒绝我。请你让我
那些年，我们一起追的女孩
我喜欢你，糊涂笨拙的样子
我喜欢你，面带笑容的可爱
我喜欢你，对所有人的关怀
我喜欢你，尽心尽力的努力
我喜欢你 ，不做作的性格
我喜欢你， 不高不矮不瘦不胖的身材
我喜欢你，明明就是一位不起眼的女孩，但却让我深深着了迷的莊亦玲
But yea, its over now. Im over.
Im but just a flashing lighning in her life.
Though i do lite up her life with sparks for a while.
I brought along a long and cold thunderstorm in the process.
Year 1 Sem 1 has ended, and i kind of regret doing several stupid stuffs throughout this short period of time. Though it was a fun and enriching experience, and i have been able to experience many of my first time, there are still things that cock up and would be always there in me for life.
As always, im lost again in the game of love, and had sort of changed target in a short span of time. This would have been a deadly move as anyone you know would have deemed you a flirt and poof, game over fer you. But really, i didnt realise somethings until it had happened. She is just so sweet, so kind, and so nice, and that i have accidentally fallen for her.
But, im not taken seriously like always. The speed of change is too fast. I screwed up. I should have waited, and impulsiveness have been proven lethal once again. Well, there are things that not everyone know. Would you waste time writing a useless program just for the girl you like? Would you be taking note of exactly what type of guys she like just to work towards someone she might double take? Would you of all, treat her like a princess and constantly feed her? But yea, that doesnt mean she would and must like me back.
Life is unfair. 我一直认为只要有毅力和耐力，我始终会追到她。但当我到终点时，我才发现，她以经远走高飞了。
However hard i try, i will never build an impression of the awesome guy she would like in her.
Another big regret is the super time wasting lifesaving course. Though i got recerified, i just realised that i couldnt commit my weekends like how i did during poly years mainly because of all those heavy commitments with hall and faculty. Thus, if my results were to suffer, the biggest culprit would definitely be this stupid CCA which takes 4 out of 5 days a week.
The negligence of faculty mates are also a problem. We used to be so close when the term just started. However, im losing them as time goes by as i could not catch up with all their activities due to my heavy schedules. if i were to choose again, i will not neglect them as much as i do now.
Hall life is awesome. i love it. now, can i still stay on after next sem?
i can only work hard.
but well, even if i couldnt, these experience will live in me forever.
Oh, and this post is supposed to be written to remind me in written form that, even if she continues to treat me nicely, it doesnt mean i still have a chance. it just meant she is nice to everyone, and ur just an everyone to her. Not the special one.
I.need.to.give.up.before.irritating.her.
拜托你不要给我答案，我没有问你，所以你不可以拒绝我。请你让我
那些年，我们一起追的女孩
我喜欢你，糊涂笨拙的样子
我喜欢你，面带笑容的可爱
我喜欢你，对所有人的关怀
我喜欢你，尽心尽力的努力
我喜欢你 ，不做作的性格
我喜欢你， 不高不矮不瘦不胖的身材
我喜欢你，明明就是一位不起眼的女孩，但却让我深深着了迷的莊亦玲
But yea, its over now. Im over.
Im but just a flashing lighning in her life.
Though i do lite up her life with sparks for a while.
I brought along a long and cold thunderstorm in the process.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
tried too hard again
im trying to care.. but i ended up nagging...
im trying to love.. but i ended up hurting...
im trying to improve.. but whatever i improved was not significant to you.
i think i just tried too hard again.
-EvErywh3r3
im trying to love.. but i ended up hurting...
im trying to improve.. but whatever i improved was not significant to you.
i think i just tried too hard again.
-EvErywh3r3
Friday, October 7, 2011
flaring again
i have not been blogging since school kicked in in full swing..
fml.
but i guess i need to find some time to start flaring on all the shits in school one day.
but not today.
LOL...
okay.
just wanna remind myself that im gonna fail FYP again...
cecz0000 is an impossible module for me..
fml.
but i guess i need to find some time to start flaring on all the shits in school one day.
but not today.
LOL...
okay.
just wanna remind myself that im gonna fail FYP again...
cecz0000 is an impossible module for me..
Friday, August 19, 2011
her.
you are never special.
at least i never meant to make u special in any sense when i first met you.
but oh boy, you're really a fireworks. from the first time i meet you, i have never experience such excitement and joy in me before. its a mix of being afraid to scare you off, yet trying very hard to be keep you smiling. i admit, i would have given you the feeling that i tried too hard.
but i really do like you.
you wanted to only be friends. i will comply. but lady, give me some time. dont write me off yet. i may be down, but im not yet out. i may be weak, but that doesnt make me love you less. so, dont think that asking me to stop, i can just treat it as i have never liked you. i get infatuated easily, but i dont fall easily.
as much as i hope u will read this, but im sure you wouldnt.
so this shall be here, for no one to read.
for someone who care.
but never reach the one i meant.
at least i never meant to make u special in any sense when i first met you.
but oh boy, you're really a fireworks. from the first time i meet you, i have never experience such excitement and joy in me before. its a mix of being afraid to scare you off, yet trying very hard to be keep you smiling. i admit, i would have given you the feeling that i tried too hard.
but i really do like you.
you wanted to only be friends. i will comply. but lady, give me some time. dont write me off yet. i may be down, but im not yet out. i may be weak, but that doesnt make me love you less. so, dont think that asking me to stop, i can just treat it as i have never liked you. i get infatuated easily, but i dont fall easily.
as much as i hope u will read this, but im sure you wouldnt.
so this shall be here, for no one to read.
for someone who care.
but never reach the one i meant.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
QET sample paper
Either
1. Forming strong friendships is one of the most important aspects of life as a
student.Write about the benefits of having good friends.
Or
2. A recent survey has shown that people are most afraid of heights and public
speaking.Besides these two fears, what makes you afraid and why?
i choose 2.
Besides this two fear, i guess my greatest fear is the fear of dark places.
In a pitch dark place, you would not be able to see what is around you, nor know what is out there. It could be full of surprises, and it could be full of shock.
Human have the tendancy of being afraid of things that they cannot see, as they would not know what is it they are doing. And when visibility is at its lowest, one of our most important sense rendered useless, all we can do is to feel.
Being a blessed child with no damages to my five senses, i am very afraid of dark places for many reasons. i am too used to seeing things around me and when i am unable to tell what i am doing with my sense of sight, i would start panicking. i would usually bump into things, which in turn injure myself, or spoil the things unintentionally. this has happened to me several times in life, as dark places, like high grounds, is unavoidable. Also, in dark places, you could feel severe discomfort as you would not know what is around you. Are they people who will be helping you, or are they out there to harm you.
Dark places, on the other hand can be mysterious and fun. however, thus far, all my experiences with dark places only end up in fear and panic.
1. Forming strong friendships is one of the most important aspects of life as a
student.Write about the benefits of having good friends.
Or
2. A recent survey has shown that people are most afraid of heights and public
speaking.Besides these two fears, what makes you afraid and why?
i choose 2.
Besides this two fear, i guess my greatest fear is the fear of dark places.
In a pitch dark place, you would not be able to see what is around you, nor know what is out there. It could be full of surprises, and it could be full of shock.
Human have the tendancy of being afraid of things that they cannot see, as they would not know what is it they are doing. And when visibility is at its lowest, one of our most important sense rendered useless, all we can do is to feel.
Being a blessed child with no damages to my five senses, i am very afraid of dark places for many reasons. i am too used to seeing things around me and when i am unable to tell what i am doing with my sense of sight, i would start panicking. i would usually bump into things, which in turn injure myself, or spoil the things unintentionally. this has happened to me several times in life, as dark places, like high grounds, is unavoidable. Also, in dark places, you could feel severe discomfort as you would not know what is around you. Are they people who will be helping you, or are they out there to harm you.
Dark places, on the other hand can be mysterious and fun. however, thus far, all my experiences with dark places only end up in fear and panic.
Friday, July 29, 2011
reflection of how im hweeeling
i promised not to go into that situation again.
i promised to be a better person.
i promised myself, that i, will do better than the me in the past.
but somehow, i made the same mistake.
again and again and again.
wtf am i thinking and doing?
i need to concentrate!!!
okay... gonna have fun tml =DD
need to dig out my "say no to emo" liaoz..
and worst of all, bad thing doesnt happen alone..
no hall camp, entered a old hall =[[[
i promised to be a better person.
i promised myself, that i, will do better than the me in the past.
but somehow, i made the same mistake.
again and again and again.
wtf am i thinking and doing?
i need to concentrate!!!
okay... gonna have fun tml =DD
need to dig out my "say no to emo" liaoz..
and worst of all, bad thing doesnt happen alone..
no hall camp, entered a old hall =[[[
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Forge of Olympus!
the day before camp, i was still so worried that i couldnt blend in well..
at the last day of camp, i super cant bear to leave them!!
guess that wat camping is all about =D
and yea, i have an awesome sp, though i really didnt talk much to her on my first meeting...
Go Triton Go You Go You Go!!
at the last day of camp, i super cant bear to leave them!!
guess that wat camping is all about =D
and yea, i have an awesome sp, though i really didnt talk much to her on my first meeting...
Go Triton Go You Go You Go!!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
mt ophir @ 9/7/11
went ophir with my mum and her aunties groupie.
though the durian is quite good, and the waterfall is refreshing, its still a chore to go out with mummy.
anyway, here are some of the more pretty shots that i would wish to put it here =D
though the durian is quite good, and the waterfall is refreshing, its still a chore to go out with mummy.
anyway, here are some of the more pretty shots that i would wish to put it here =D
Monday, July 4, 2011
Jailbreak for 4.3.3
its like a breeze..
but instructions is very difficult to follow..
so lets see wat i can do first..
DO TAKE NOTE:
if ur iphone set is a unlocked set, dont bother trying..
but i tested on a singtel iphone 3gs(16gb) and it worked perfectly.
BASICALLY,
go to http://www.felixbruns.de/iPod/firmware/
download the applicable Firmware...
FOR EG, if yours is a ipod touch 3, u download the firmware for ipod touch 3 fw4.3.3..
how to differentiate 2g and 3g ipod touch??
a 2g ipod touch behind got this words : tm and apple inc all right reserved
a 3g ipod touch behind dun have such words.
after u downloaded it,
its in zip format.
its either when u downloading it, u rename it from .zip to .ipsw
OR
u rename it AFTER downloading.
unlike win xp, u can just rename the extension, win vista block it by default.
SO,
open my computer,
press ALT
your file edit view tools bar will come out.
go to tools >> folder options>> view tab
UNCHECK "hide extension for known file type"
press apply!!
now u can rename it from ipsw to zip!!!
(SKIP THIS STEP IF YOUR IPHONE IS ALREADY 4.3.3)
now open itunes
connect device to comp,
press shift+ click on restore button
find the file i asked u to download above
install and bla bla bla fer approx 15mins.
and tada, u get 4.3.3 firmware
Sounded easy till now???
HERES THE CHALLENGE
download RedSn0w 0.9.6RC15
http://www.iphoneheat.com/2011/05/download-redsn0w-0-9-6rc15/
https://sites.google.com/a/iphone-dev.com/files/home/redsn0w_win_0.9.6rc16.zip?attredirects=0&d=1
unrar/unzip the file and u will see redsnow.exe
fyi,im doing on windows.
heres another tricky part.
redsnow is not very happy with apple
so first, u needa right click and run the exe as administrator.
once the program started, call out window task manager by ctrl+alt+delete
go to PROCESSESS tab and press "r" and u will find redsnow.exe
right click on it and go to set affinity and UNCHECK "CPU 0"
now,
u go back to redsnow,
browse for the firmware u downloaded from above.
it will prompt some msg and READ IT WORD FOR WORD
it will ask u to check which batch of iphone/itouch are u using.
THERE ARE SPECIFIC INSTRUCTION TEACHING HOW TO CHECK, so please READ.
and answer the question of yes or no. (u didnt check and anyhow answer, u will crash and die like a g6, trust me.. i crashed 6times before i really do read)
after that, press next
den it will load some shits.
LET IT BE.
den it will bring to page 2.
it says, a lot of rubbish.
but just tick install cydia
press next
it will prompt u to OFF ur device.
OFF IT FULLY BEFORE PRESSING NEXT
okay,
now its a bit of tactical movement.
once u press next, u have to hold on to power button fer 3sec, den while holding power button, press home button as well fer 10sec, den release power button BUT cont holding home button until it load the jailbreaking device page.
SOUND CRAZY? yes, this is known as going into dfu mode.
check this out
IF all is well, yea, u will see cydia once it boot up approx 5mins later.
try clicking on cydia.
How To Install AppSynch 4.0+ On iOS 4.3.3 Devices :
Step 1: Start “Cydia” on your iPhone.
Step 2: Touch on “Manage” tab on the bottom.
Step 3: Now touch on “Sources”.
Step 4: Touch on “Edit”, and then on “Add”.Type “http://cydia.hackulo.us” and click on“Add Source”.Cydia will now automatically update your sources by following a series of automated steps.
Step 5: After installation is completed. Search for “AppSync for OS 4.0+” in Cydia and install this application. This app will automatically patch MobileInstallation file on your iPhone, iPad or iPod touch running firmware 4.3.3.You should now be able to install .ipa files manually on your iOS device running firmware 4.3.3.
Originally Posted: http://thetechjournal.com/electronics/iphone/appsync-4-2-for-ios-4-2-1-devices.xhtml#ixzz1BnNIGnnR
LAst but not least,
www.appleiso.com
http://iphonecake.com/appcake/en/
OR
install installous 4 from cydia (“http://cydia.hackulo.us”)
to get ur shits!!
DISCLAIMER
try at ur own risk, as this guide is fer self reference.
u can always call me if ur a frenz, or email me @ we_as1989@hotmail.com if ur a stranger
LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
i dont support piracy, but i do all these because im interested in such technical stuffs.
but instructions is very difficult to follow..
so lets see wat i can do first..
DO TAKE NOTE:
if ur iphone set is a unlocked set, dont bother trying..
but i tested on a singtel iphone 3gs(16gb) and it worked perfectly.
BASICALLY,
go to http://www.felixbruns.de/iPod/firmware/
download the applicable Firmware...
FOR EG, if yours is a ipod touch 3, u download the firmware for ipod touch 3 fw4.3.3..
how to differentiate 2g and 3g ipod touch??
a 2g ipod touch behind got this words : tm and apple inc all right reserved
a 3g ipod touch behind dun have such words.
after u downloaded it,
its in zip format.
its either when u downloading it, u rename it from .zip to .ipsw
OR
u rename it AFTER downloading.
unlike win xp, u can just rename the extension, win vista block it by default.
SO,
open my computer,
press ALT
your file edit view tools bar will come out.
go to tools >> folder options>> view tab
UNCHECK "hide extension for known file type"
press apply!!
now u can rename it from ipsw to zip!!!
(SKIP THIS STEP IF YOUR IPHONE IS ALREADY 4.3.3)
now open itunes
connect device to comp,
press shift+ click on restore button
find the file i asked u to download above
install and bla bla bla fer approx 15mins.
and tada, u get 4.3.3 firmware
Sounded easy till now???
HERES THE CHALLENGE
download RedSn0w 0.9.6RC15
http://www.iphoneheat.com/2011/05/download-redsn0w-0-9-6rc15/
https://sites.google.com/a/iphone-dev.com/files/home/redsn0w_win_0.9.6rc16.zip?attredirects=0&d=1
unrar/unzip the file and u will see redsnow.exe
fyi,im doing on windows.
heres another tricky part.
redsnow is not very happy with apple
so first, u needa right click and run the exe as administrator.
once the program started, call out window task manager by ctrl+alt+delete
go to PROCESSESS tab and press "r" and u will find redsnow.exe
right click on it and go to set affinity and UNCHECK "CPU 0"
now,
u go back to redsnow,
browse for the firmware u downloaded from above.
it will prompt some msg and READ IT WORD FOR WORD
it will ask u to check which batch of iphone/itouch are u using.
THERE ARE SPECIFIC INSTRUCTION TEACHING HOW TO CHECK, so please READ.
and answer the question of yes or no. (u didnt check and anyhow answer, u will crash and die like a g6, trust me.. i crashed 6times before i really do read)
after that, press next
den it will load some shits.
LET IT BE.
den it will bring to page 2.
it says, a lot of rubbish.
but just tick install cydia
press next
it will prompt u to OFF ur device.
OFF IT FULLY BEFORE PRESSING NEXT
okay,
now its a bit of tactical movement.
once u press next, u have to hold on to power button fer 3sec, den while holding power button, press home button as well fer 10sec, den release power button BUT cont holding home button until it load the jailbreaking device page.
SOUND CRAZY? yes, this is known as going into dfu mode.
check this out
IF all is well, yea, u will see cydia once it boot up approx 5mins later.
try clicking on cydia.
How To Install AppSynch 4.0+ On iOS 4.3.3 Devices :
Step 1: Start “Cydia” on your iPhone.
Step 2: Touch on “Manage” tab on the bottom.
Step 3: Now touch on “Sources”.
Step 4: Touch on “Edit”, and then on “Add”.Type “http://cydia.hackulo.us” and click on“Add Source”.Cydia will now automatically update your sources by following a series of automated steps.
Step 5: After installation is completed. Search for “AppSync for OS 4.0+” in Cydia and install this application. This app will automatically patch MobileInstallation file on your iPhone, iPad or iPod touch running firmware 4.3.3.You should now be able to install .ipa files manually on your iOS device running firmware 4.3.3.
Originally Posted: http://thetechjournal.com/electronics/iphone/appsync-4-2-for-ios-4-2-1-devices.xhtml#ixzz1BnNIGnnR
LAst but not least,
www.appleiso.com
http://iphonecake.com/appcake/en/
OR
install installous 4 from cydia (“http://cydia.hackulo.us”)
to get ur shits!!
DISCLAIMER
try at ur own risk, as this guide is fer self reference.
u can always call me if ur a frenz, or email me @ we_as1989@hotmail.com if ur a stranger
LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
i dont support piracy, but i do all these because im interested in such technical stuffs.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
i met u first.
but that does not give me an advantage over him.
seeing u hurt and sad over him, i cannot but wonder if we were instead together, what would happen.
will i hurt you,
will i make you sad.
will i leave u alone, when what you wanted is me so bad.
will i be nice and sweet, like how everyone is when it first begin.
or will i be a changed person when time goes by, just like him.
will i make empty promises that i know i cant keep.
but then again, i was not chosen.
how can i be better?
maybe im more of a jerk than he really is.
maybe because im not him, that i say its entireely his fault.
i only blame myself when i see u hurt
i blame myself for not being better.
i blame myself for not trying hard.
i blame myself for having the headstart and still lose out.
i blame myself for not being able to convince you that im the one.
and all i can do when i see you getting hurt by him, is to blame myself for not being the better man.
the demon is out.
i feel so much better now.
but that does not give me an advantage over him.
seeing u hurt and sad over him, i cannot but wonder if we were instead together, what would happen.
will i hurt you,
will i make you sad.
will i leave u alone, when what you wanted is me so bad.
will i be nice and sweet, like how everyone is when it first begin.
or will i be a changed person when time goes by, just like him.
will i make empty promises that i know i cant keep.
but then again, i was not chosen.
how can i be better?
maybe im more of a jerk than he really is.
maybe because im not him, that i say its entireely his fault.
i only blame myself when i see u hurt
i blame myself for not being better.
i blame myself for not trying hard.
i blame myself for having the headstart and still lose out.
i blame myself for not being able to convince you that im the one.
and all i can do when i see you getting hurt by him, is to blame myself for not being the better man.
the demon is out.
i feel so much better now.
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