how long has it been?

it has been a few weeks since we "thrashed things out"
have i really gave u up after that painful rejection?
you said things didnt become better because of what happened 1 week later.
i think they are mutually exclusive, you think they are not.
i didnt bother arguing, i just didnt want u to be upset over it.
afterall, even telling u all those bullshit, it would just be excuses to you.

i sat down and calm down and think.
i needed to do this. i cant juggle with such stress together with all those crap deadline and upcoming small test that would not kill, but cost me a grade.

i know there is nothing i could do to change your mind; my impression in ur eyes are of worst than crap.
you said i were a friend, thats why u even bothered.
have u ever wondered why no one bothered? are u trying to tell me i have led a sad life fer 23years with no true friend until your appearance? did u ever think why am i doing all these at all? have you ever look at me properly before?
i said sorry and thank you fer your concern instead of questioning you.

you said i took my time far too long.
tested your patience. made u scold me and confronted me.
i said im sorry again. i dont want to argue. i can go non stop. but i dun see a point in it.
you will only hate me more if i do that.
i will become the childish one again if i do that.

u want me to stop loving you, to be your friend.
i tried my best.
i disturbs my friends. i irritate them sometimes. i have bad days and might sound nasty or bad to them sometimes.
you said im out to piss u off deliberately, and made everyone else angry.
you wanna know how bad is that impact on me? 3 shots of chivas, 2 of jack's and a mixture of chivas, jack and midori worth approx 3 shots.
you said "i thought things would become better after we thrashed things out, unfortunately, no"
you wanna know how disappointed am i? you didnt even take into account of all those hardwork i have put in. you judged me on a single occasion and when you werent the only target of my pissing off.
what the FUCK do u exactly want?

its about time to realise.
i like you. alot.
i will give u up eventually, just not yet, not now.
ignore me, scold me, cold treatment me, whatever.
it might work. but at the same time, you also kill our friendship.
so yea, i will hide all these feelings.
its hidden, not lost.
and its up to u to decide.
afraid of giving me false hope? if i ever believed in it, i would never be so emo.


this is not for you to read.


i just need to compose something for a special day like 29/2/2012.

LOL.
happy leap year day!!

(Above are fake and fictitious, for entertainment purpose only. NO IM SERIOUS, dont doubt me u pussy few who visit here )