faith in humanity

I used to believe that there are things done is for the good of others, and if you are able to help, you would feel good when you help people. 

Used to.

My life changed when i got into working part time, and my experiences in polytechnic

i was inspired to go for lifeguard course because one of my friend got it. 

i hoped to be a lifeguard so that i could help people, as i used to be a weak swimmer myself.

However, as i entered the wild wild wet, i realised that people there are not to help. some work for the money, some work for the fact that they get to see girls, some work for the authority and power bestowed to them.

as i applied to join OCIP2007 in sp, i thought it would be great to meet a group of kind hearted people who want to go help out the overseas underpriviledged committee. i was again proven very wrong. as OCIP allows eee students to clear it as their industrial training program, many year 2 applied for it in hope of a relaxed attachment plus fun time being overseas. this program also guarantees a A in ITP. 

i lost faith in humanity.

i started to believe that everything one do is for the benefits that it comes with.

in uni, i applied for WSC OVE. i haven had a chance to really know them.

this project is voluntarily. it doesnt give incentive. so i really hope to know some real people. but then again, theres portfolio building.

then, i get to know a girl.

she volunteers with wsc. 

i first thought she was one of those that wanted portfolio building again.

i was wrong.

"i dont want anything i do to be some sort of bonus, it would be sad like that."

im awaken. i already forgotten the real meaning of giving. 

it is to ask for no return. 

it is to be only accountable to yourself.

that was the reason why i took lifeguarding. to guard.

that was the reason i had standard first aid and aed+cpr. to save.

that was the reason i wanted to do community service. to help.

and because i can.

In a mess

Exam is here real soon. Im still in a mess. The girl that made me cry so much. Found her true prince. Her decision is made, and im not the choice I moved on. She was there all along. Just never knew her well. One fine day i was freaking impressed by her. Oh the poise the charm and the caring Not sure if im infatuated or pure despo. I really took long to notice such special girl Den again, taken. Just how lucky am i? Guess im destined to be foreveralone Blogged from iphone How cool is that?

Appearance

Often, we would hear people say that they do not bother about how their friends look like, nor they care about how their partner look like.
My question to you, just how true is that?

I would just point out a simple example.
Cockroaches. Many girls would squeak their lungs out when they see one.
But then again, why are they afraid of cockroaches?
The harmful effect of cockroach is that they carry germs that might cause food poisoning due to the places they travel. Now, if it is the dirtiness they are worried about, wouldn't they be also afraid of their computer keyboards, which is said to carry 5 times more bacteria compared to a toilet seat?

Truth is, even though they are completely harmless (other than being dirty and maybe smelly) and they don't bite, people still do not like them. WHY?
Let's face it. It is because they are ugly and horrendous looking.
So much for not bothering about looks.

Fun facts about cockroaches:
Crushed cockroaches are pain relievers.
They are currently being researched for medicinal values
People do eat them for nourishment.
They eats bedbugs
They DO NOT bite.
They do not have any disease, but due to the places they stay in, which is dirty, makes their body dirty.
(they are like stray animals, if given a good "bath", they will be clean)
They are good adapters of environment. (literally stays anywhere other than super cold places)
They are not picky about food.
They survived for 400million years, same era as dinosaurs.
Might be the first flying animal on earth
Some species can digest wood lika termite!
They can survive 1 month without their head
They can hold their breath for 40 minutes
They can run up to 3km/hr
They sleep for about 75% of the day.


So, there are so many stuffs we human should learn from a cockroach, so, why hate them?
But the sad truth, we are all superficial.

This little example explains it all.


http://www.internet4classrooms.com/susan/cockroach_factpage.htm
http://www.planetcockroach.com/roach-bite.html
http://www.funfacts.com.au/cockroach-facts/

how long has it been?

it has been a few weeks since we "thrashed things out"
have i really gave u up after that painful rejection?
you said things didnt become better because of what happened 1 week later.
i think they are mutually exclusive, you think they are not.
i didnt bother arguing, i just didnt want u to be upset over it.
afterall, even telling u all those bullshit, it would just be excuses to you.

i sat down and calm down and think.
i needed to do this. i cant juggle with such stress together with all those crap deadline and upcoming small test that would not kill, but cost me a grade.

i know there is nothing i could do to change your mind; my impression in ur eyes are of worst than crap.
you said i were a friend, thats why u even bothered.
have u ever wondered why no one bothered? are u trying to tell me i have led a sad life fer 23years with no true friend until your appearance? did u ever think why am i doing all these at all? have you ever look at me properly before?
i said sorry and thank you fer your concern instead of questioning you.

you said i took my time far too long.
tested your patience. made u scold me and confronted me.
i said im sorry again. i dont want to argue. i can go non stop. but i dun see a point in it.
you will only hate me more if i do that.
i will become the childish one again if i do that.

u want me to stop loving you, to be your friend.
i tried my best.
i disturbs my friends. i irritate them sometimes. i have bad days and might sound nasty or bad to them sometimes.
you said im out to piss u off deliberately, and made everyone else angry.
you wanna know how bad is that impact on me? 3 shots of chivas, 2 of jack's and a mixture of chivas, jack and midori worth approx 3 shots.
you said "i thought things would become better after we thrashed things out, unfortunately, no"
you wanna know how disappointed am i? you didnt even take into account of all those hardwork i have put in. you judged me on a single occasion and when you werent the only target of my pissing off.
what the FUCK do u exactly want?

its about time to realise.
i like you. alot.
i will give u up eventually, just not yet, not now.
ignore me, scold me, cold treatment me, whatever.
it might work. but at the same time, you also kill our friendship.
so yea, i will hide all these feelings.
its hidden, not lost.
and its up to u to decide.
afraid of giving me false hope? if i ever believed in it, i would never be so emo.


this is not for you to read.


i just need to compose something for a special day like 29/2/2012.

LOL.
happy leap year day!!

(Above are fake and fictitious, for entertainment purpose only. NO IM SERIOUS, dont doubt me u pussy few who visit here )

10 songs for valentine

valentine day is coming yet again, and it marks my 23rd year of being #foreveralone.
in order to mark the countdown, i shall post 1 song a day on fb..
however, as im going thru all those songs, i found too many new songs tts are awesome, hence shall put them here and i shall choose from here wat i wanna post on fb =D

五月天【星空】

方大同 - 因為你

五月天【我不願讓你一個人】

林俊傑 - 當你

品冠 - 我以為

 洋蔥 yang cong

王力宏 -依然愛你

王力宏「你不知道的事」

庾澄慶 - 情非得已

陶喆-普通朋友

林宥嘉-我愛的人

林俊傑-學不會

awww.. more den 10 liao.. fml

2012 is here!

Well,
i guess i took quite long to come up with this post.
but then again, i dun expect anyone still come here to read anything.
so yupz, its alright since im keeping it as a diary fer myself.

ITS THE NEW YEAR RESOLUTION POST!
2011 has been great, i have complete most of what i want to do.
http://flarehare.blogspot.com/2011/01/2010-recap-and-2011-new-year-resolution.html
my lifeguard licence back,
a powerboat license,
a good grade in uni,
further improvements in my skills of computer and photography,
learn photoshop,
perfect cycling( YES BICYCLE )
do one short marathon
improve fitness and lose some fucking weight
***** GET A GIRLFRIEND****


well, the powerboat license was so close until the last min shortage of funds and time.
Good grade has became a dream as i already felt lost as to what is considered good, bad or average.
full B+ considered great?
photography improvement have been sort of impaired as im getting lazy, and computer skills are fairly stagnent as there is nothing much for me to do.
cycling has been just a 3 minute thingy.
Lastly, despite uni open the floodgate of knowing many girls, i have been only successful in entering only the friendzone, with a permanent residency there. FML MAX THANKS.

broke my fucked arm again, not cool at all. but well, just hope i dun have to go thru that 3 weeks of op recovery + 6mth physio again.. that was hell.
but then again, was happy with current fitness, got back BM, did a 10km(sundown), 16.8km(king of the road) and 21km(standard charted)

All in all, 2011 was fairly wonderful, though it would have been a blast if i got the girl of my dream instead of perma locked in friendzone.

So its 2012, i need new goals.
here it goes.

-push up the fucking gpa
-work towards staying hall fer nxt yr
-work on relationships with friends(faculty, 134, 7, dbe, classmates and of course, oners and MANY MOREEEE)
-go fer that crazy 42km sundown and complete it lika boss( yes i signed up)
-prepare fer biathalon fer 2013 if the world didnt end (procrastinated fer quite few YEARS)
-GROW UP( i wonder why is it a resolution though it comes naturally to many people)
-get a few more interesting license (POWERBOAT is not forgotten, and maybe a 1 star kayak is nice)
- learn photoshop, video editing and some useful programming which involves graphic (python c++ and suchs are useless fer doing impressive stuffs fer girls.. haha)
- lose weight has never been forgotten( in term of exercise)
-eat less and be thrifty( was spending far too much, and best part? im not doing part time, which made me all the more guilty)
****maybe i have tried far too hard fer a girlfriend, so fer tis year, it shall be,
-LOOK OUT FER POTENTIAL GIRLS. (though as of 10/1/12, i already had my eyes set on one, but i guess if i dont do something about giving her up, i will just fall deeper and get on her nerves more and more often. its not a good thing fer her, and the last thing i want is fer her to hate me)
****

for now, all these shall be good enough...
might just add a few more side tasks on the way!!
haha...
hope this year will have more success with completing these resolution.

b3n

Complicated

The release of the awesome show “那些年，我们一起追的女孩” made me think about a lot of stuffs, as partly because it depicted school life and love life relating to school in a way. And these are the things that is close to my heart.

Year 1 Sem 1 has ended, and i kind of regret doing several stupid stuffs throughout this short period of time. Though it was a fun and enriching experience, and i have been able to experience many of my first time, there are still things that cock up and would be always there in me for life.

As always, im lost again in the game of love, and had sort of changed target in a short span of time. This would have been a deadly move as anyone you know would have deemed you a flirt and poof, game over fer you. But really, i didnt realise somethings until it had happened. She is just so sweet, so kind, and so nice, and that i have accidentally fallen for her.

But, im not taken seriously like always. The speed of change is too fast. I screwed up. I should have waited, and impulsiveness have been proven lethal once again. Well, there are things that not everyone know. Would you waste time writing a useless program just for the girl you like? Would you be taking note of exactly what type of guys she like just to work towards someone she might double take? Would you of all, treat her like a princess and constantly feed her? But yea, that doesnt mean she would and must like me back.
Life is unfair. 我一直认为只要有毅力和耐力，我始终会追到她。但当我到终点时，我才发现，她以经远走高飞了。
However hard i try, i will never build an impression of the awesome guy she would like in her.

Another big regret is the super time wasting lifesaving course. Though i got recerified, i just realised that i couldnt commit my weekends like how i did during poly years mainly because of all those heavy commitments with hall and faculty. Thus, if my results were to suffer, the biggest culprit would definitely be this stupid CCA which takes 4 out of 5 days a week.

The negligence of faculty mates are also a problem. We used to be so close when the term just started. However, im losing them as time goes by as i could not catch up with all their activities due to my heavy schedules. if i were to choose again, i will not neglect them as much as i do now.

Hall life is awesome. i love it. now, can i still stay on after next sem?
i can only work hard.
but well, even if i couldnt, these experience will live in me forever.

Oh, and this post is supposed to be written to remind me in written form that, even if she continues to treat me nicely, it doesnt mean i still have a chance. it just meant she is nice to everyone, and ur just an everyone to her. Not the special one.
I.need.to.give.up.before.irritating.her.



拜托你不要给我答案，我没有问你，所以你不可以拒绝我。请你让我继续的喜欢你吧！

那些年，我们一起追的女孩




我喜欢你，糊涂笨拙的样子
我喜欢你，面带笑容的可爱
我喜欢你，对所有人的关怀
我喜欢你，尽心尽力的努力
我喜欢你 ，不做作的性格
我喜欢你， 不高不矮不瘦不胖的身材
我喜欢你，明明就是一位不起眼的女孩，但却让我深深着了迷的莊亦玲

But yea, its over now. Im over.
Im but just a flashing lighning in her life.
Though i do lite up her life with sparks for a while.
I brought along a long and cold thunderstorm in the process.