The Bad News

You see, when the one that you cared doesnt care about you, its a bad news.

And yea, when things and life gets busy, no one is free to give a damn about you anymore. 

So much for being friends, good friends, best friends in some part of your life.

I just visited the doctor on friday.

My shoulder is fucked. its either physio or operation.

Guess sports is no longer possible for me.

im feeling weak in my knees. 

now where can i find strength?

Help?

You see, you wanted to help someone you think who is in trouble. You want to save someone who is in distress. You want to do it, because you can.

But then again,
here comes the sad part.
Are the other party willing to accept your help?
Are they willing to be saved?

I was always trapped in the thinking of lending a helping hand, and to guide those in trouble back to the right path. But then again, what is the right path? How do you define the right path? How naive am i? why am i protecting people who dont want to be protected? isnt that giving them more trouble than alleviating it, which was the original purpose? why do i care so much when doing such thing would mean that it is right, but makes that person hate you?

I always thought smoking and drinking is bad, and advise people to not take on that path. But seriously? What the society perceived as bad doesnt mean it is bad. Smoking makes people more sociable and outgoing, while having booze does help relieve stress, which is why my drinking habits got worst after university matriculation.
An typical example was about this particular friend, i shall name him phil. he used to be like me, wearing polo tee to school, seldom skip lessons, and do not smoke nor drink. however, as time goes by, he slowly changed his fashion sense, which was a good thing. but the bad also followed. clubbing, drinking and eventually smoke. i told him off. urged him to quit. but he didnt heed my advice. for the benefits he sees is that he is getting the ladies attention, and he is enjoying the current new friends company, living a life of party and fun. we drifted, as we have major difference in lifestyle now. he turned out to be okay. what i perceived of the society of thinking smokers are bad people are grossly wrong.

I was once told off by my mum, for telling my younger cousin to sit gracefully instead of sitting like a gangster. She told me"why make them hate you when their own parents are okay with their behaviour?"
At that time, i yelled back and talked about what is right, being so self righteous.

But now, i get it. Some people just dont need that help, and they can still be well. Forcing your so called righteous idea on other doesnt mean you are righteous. It is like propaganda, you just want more people to agree with you, or follow strictly to the society norms.

I was watching Fate Zero, and the showed talked about a hero. There were a total of 500passengers on 2 boats, one with 200 passengers, while the other with 300. both boats are leaking, and you are the only shipwright who can repair the boat. Which one would you choose?
The obvious answer is the one with 300 person.
but before u can help out the boat with 300 person, u have to kill all people of the other boat as they have turned aggressive towards you as you gave up on them.
yes, we can argue that its for the good of the majority.
now, the boat with 300 people split again.
100 in one, 200 in another.
same situation, you have to kill everyone in the boat that you didnt choose.
that would mean 100 more. 
so in total, didnt we kill 300 people, and only save 200? 
so why bother? 


when you do not do them a favour, you are mostly a threat to others. 
even if you are willing to help and save people, some would not accept them.  for right or wrong is not judged by what the mainstream thinks, but to be determined by what you truly believe in.


Welcome to Reality
though a little late,
but yea.

ONE FULL CYCLE

It all started out as a preparation for the real thing.
i wasnt very fit to begin with, hence with that in mind, i told myself that i would train up and do a full marathon, one year later.

I started off with sundown marathon as alvin and zj both went fer the 42km, and as i wasnt confident and dont wanna waste money not completing, i went fer the 10km instead. In fact, this 10km is the only run that i really put in effort to train, as i was in army, and still very free to do some light run and stuffs.
though i didnt do it in an awesome timing, im glad that i finished it as at that time, i still find it quite hard.

But still, i beat the sunrise!

Then, the time came where i need to sign up for my next marathon, and naturally, the half marathon is within reach. i signed up for Standard Charted Marathon half marathon(21km) and started light training, as it is supposed to be in december, which means i have a lot of time.

Suddenly, ty called to ask if we wanna join addidas king of the road run (kotr). I signed up immediately, and sl also did so. however, the rest didnt follow as they are lazy to run and ty, as usual, ps us.
kotr was hell. i didnt train much other than lifesaving training with sch, hectic school life just started, things are all haywire, and i injured my knee just a few weeks before the run.

completed it nonetheles,, with some difficulty and pain, and of course, crap timing.

The long awaited half marathon came, and im suprised that im given such an awesome route to run! Sentosa and into RWS and also inside USS!! the run is a feast to the eyes as i get to see the then very new transformer display inside USS. i did this as a solo run as no one else joined me. as the start and end points are different place, the baggages are being transported from one place to another. thus the logistic to check in our bags are cocked up, and some runners have to run with their bags!! i started one whole hour late, but im definitely not alone, as many of us are stucked at the baggage area. this run is damn early in the morning, and as times go, it gets hotter and hotter. its hard to run as i started to feel the heat and have a headache halfway thru the run. As i was running, i felt like giving up as the cramps kept acting up and i was quite convinced that i couldnt complete the full marathon i expect to complete as even the half marathon is already killing me. Then, an old man ran past me and asked, if im okay. he even spurred me to continue as given his age, he is doing the full marathon and still going strong at 30+km. that is when i decided, even if i take full 8 hrs, i must complete the full marathon @sundown.

anyway, if i didnt remember wrongly, SCMS was on 5 dec, which is on my dad's birthday. and again, timing wasnt very important to me, as completion is already an amazing feat for me. run for a reason? to prepare fer Sundown 2012

The Singapore Zoo Run was a joke. i forgot who brought it up, but in the end, only me, zj and alvin signed up for it. sl who always wanted to go to zoo didnt join us as he CLAIMED that he forgot about it and didnt sign up before it closed. it was a 12km run inside zoo for 2 rounds, and it commences very early in the morning. we were damn afraid zj would oversleep as he always does it. this wasnt even a run for us, as all 3 of us were happily touring the zoo, taking photos and talking cock. we walked finish the entire 12km, being the very very last few to complete the run. Nonetheless, the zoo touring and awesomely designed medal made the run to commemorate the passing of Singapore's iconic Orang Utan, Ah Meng, worthwhile.

though this is definitely nth to be proud of and shldnt really be considered sth tt i have completed, its fun to share about this!!

Lastly, after mentally preparing for 1 full year, the Sundown Marathon 2012 Light Up The City came. this time, 42km, with half in town, the other half down ecp and back. the route itself is already awesome enuff to deter people who didnt train at all to attempt it. i did it with 1 day after a binge eating and binge alcohol trip from taiwan, attended chiobu91 birthday party 2 hours before the run, and of course, with plans already planned fer sunday night(simin bday) and today(bbq) and ultimately, national vertical marathon days away.

As if it wasnt stressful and taxing enough, it rained the whole damn bloody night. heavy winds, heavy rain all the way, and im at ecp, which is beside the sea. all i was wearing is a singlet and my shoes insoles kept coming out as it is all soaking wet. 

this is the first time i completed it, though with fucked timing, it was damn awesome experience.

woohoo.. now i shall wear my finisher tee to bbq!!

i think i will not attempt anymore 42km after this..

faith in humanity

I used to believe that there are things done is for the good of others, and if you are able to help, you would feel good when you help people. 

Used to.

My life changed when i got into working part time, and my experiences in polytechnic

i was inspired to go for lifeguard course because one of my friend got it. 

i hoped to be a lifeguard so that i could help people, as i used to be a weak swimmer myself.

However, as i entered the wild wild wet, i realised that people there are not to help. some work for the money, some work for the fact that they get to see girls, some work for the authority and power bestowed to them.

as i applied to join OCIP2007 in sp, i thought it would be great to meet a group of kind hearted people who want to go help out the overseas underpriviledged committee. i was again proven very wrong. as OCIP allows eee students to clear it as their industrial training program, many year 2 applied for it in hope of a relaxed attachment plus fun time being overseas. this program also guarantees a A in ITP. 

i lost faith in humanity.

i started to believe that everything one do is for the benefits that it comes with.

in uni, i applied for WSC OVE. i haven had a chance to really know them.

this project is voluntarily. it doesnt give incentive. so i really hope to know some real people. but then again, theres portfolio building.

then, i get to know a girl.

she volunteers with wsc. 

i first thought she was one of those that wanted portfolio building again.

i was wrong.

"i dont want anything i do to be some sort of bonus, it would be sad like that."

im awaken. i already forgotten the real meaning of giving. 

it is to ask for no return. 

it is to be only accountable to yourself.

that was the reason why i took lifeguarding. to guard.

that was the reason i had standard first aid and aed+cpr. to save.

that was the reason i wanted to do community service. to help.

and because i can.

In a mess

Exam is here real soon. Im still in a mess. The girl that made me cry so much. Found her true prince. Her decision is made, and im not the choice I moved on. She was there all along. Just never knew her well. One fine day i was freaking impressed by her. Oh the poise the charm and the caring Not sure if im infatuated or pure despo. I really took long to notice such special girl Den again, taken. Just how lucky am i? Guess im destined to be foreveralone Blogged from iphone How cool is that?

Appearance

Often, we would hear people say that they do not bother about how their friends look like, nor they care about how their partner look like.
My question to you, just how true is that?

I would just point out a simple example.
Cockroaches. Many girls would squeak their lungs out when they see one.
But then again, why are they afraid of cockroaches?
The harmful effect of cockroach is that they carry germs that might cause food poisoning due to the places they travel. Now, if it is the dirtiness they are worried about, wouldn't they be also afraid of their computer keyboards, which is said to carry 5 times more bacteria compared to a toilet seat?

Truth is, even though they are completely harmless (other than being dirty and maybe smelly) and they don't bite, people still do not like them. WHY?
Let's face it. It is because they are ugly and horrendous looking.
So much for not bothering about looks.

Fun facts about cockroaches:
Crushed cockroaches are pain relievers.
They are currently being researched for medicinal values
People do eat them for nourishment.
They eats bedbugs
They DO NOT bite.
They do not have any disease, but due to the places they stay in, which is dirty, makes their body dirty.
(they are like stray animals, if given a good "bath", they will be clean)
They are good adapters of environment. (literally stays anywhere other than super cold places)
They are not picky about food.
They survived for 400million years, same era as dinosaurs.
Might be the first flying animal on earth
Some species can digest wood lika termite!
They can survive 1 month without their head
They can hold their breath for 40 minutes
They can run up to 3km/hr
They sleep for about 75% of the day.


So, there are so many stuffs we human should learn from a cockroach, so, why hate them?
But the sad truth, we are all superficial.

This little example explains it all.


http://www.internet4classrooms.com/susan/cockroach_factpage.htm
http://www.planetcockroach.com/roach-bite.html
http://www.funfacts.com.au/cockroach-facts/

how long has it been?

it has been a few weeks since we "thrashed things out"
have i really gave u up after that painful rejection?
you said things didnt become better because of what happened 1 week later.
i think they are mutually exclusive, you think they are not.
i didnt bother arguing, i just didnt want u to be upset over it.
afterall, even telling u all those bullshit, it would just be excuses to you.

i sat down and calm down and think.
i needed to do this. i cant juggle with such stress together with all those crap deadline and upcoming small test that would not kill, but cost me a grade.

i know there is nothing i could do to change your mind; my impression in ur eyes are of worst than crap.
you said i were a friend, thats why u even bothered.
have u ever wondered why no one bothered? are u trying to tell me i have led a sad life fer 23years with no true friend until your appearance? did u ever think why am i doing all these at all? have you ever look at me properly before?
i said sorry and thank you fer your concern instead of questioning you.

you said i took my time far too long.
tested your patience. made u scold me and confronted me.
i said im sorry again. i dont want to argue. i can go non stop. but i dun see a point in it.
you will only hate me more if i do that.
i will become the childish one again if i do that.

u want me to stop loving you, to be your friend.
i tried my best.
i disturbs my friends. i irritate them sometimes. i have bad days and might sound nasty or bad to them sometimes.
you said im out to piss u off deliberately, and made everyone else angry.
you wanna know how bad is that impact on me? 3 shots of chivas, 2 of jack's and a mixture of chivas, jack and midori worth approx 3 shots.
you said "i thought things would become better after we thrashed things out, unfortunately, no"
you wanna know how disappointed am i? you didnt even take into account of all those hardwork i have put in. you judged me on a single occasion and when you werent the only target of my pissing off.
what the FUCK do u exactly want?

its about time to realise.
i like you. alot.
i will give u up eventually, just not yet, not now.
ignore me, scold me, cold treatment me, whatever.
it might work. but at the same time, you also kill our friendship.
so yea, i will hide all these feelings.
its hidden, not lost.
and its up to u to decide.
afraid of giving me false hope? if i ever believed in it, i would never be so emo.


this is not for you to read.


i just need to compose something for a special day like 29/2/2012.

LOL.
happy leap year day!!

(Above are fake and fictitious, for entertainment purpose only. NO IM SERIOUS, dont doubt me u pussy few who visit here )

10 songs for valentine

valentine day is coming yet again, and it marks my 23rd year of being #foreveralone.
in order to mark the countdown, i shall post 1 song a day on fb..
however, as im going thru all those songs, i found too many new songs tts are awesome, hence shall put them here and i shall choose from here wat i wanna post on fb =D

五月天【星空】

方大同 - 因為你

五月天【我不願讓你一個人】

林俊傑 - 當你

品冠 - 我以為

 洋蔥 yang cong

王力宏 -依然愛你

王力宏「你不知道的事」

庾澄慶 - 情非得已

陶喆-普通朋友

林宥嘉-我愛的人

林俊傑-學不會

awww.. more den 10 liao.. fml

2012 is here!

Well,
i guess i took quite long to come up with this post.
but then again, i dun expect anyone still come here to read anything.
so yupz, its alright since im keeping it as a diary fer myself.

ITS THE NEW YEAR RESOLUTION POST!
2011 has been great, i have complete most of what i want to do.
http://flarehare.blogspot.com/2011/01/2010-recap-and-2011-new-year-resolution.html
my lifeguard licence back,
a powerboat license,
a good grade in uni,
further improvements in my skills of computer and photography,
learn photoshop,
perfect cycling( YES BICYCLE )
do one short marathon
improve fitness and lose some fucking weight
***** GET A GIRLFRIEND****


well, the powerboat license was so close until the last min shortage of funds and time.
Good grade has became a dream as i already felt lost as to what is considered good, bad or average.
full B+ considered great?
photography improvement have been sort of impaired as im getting lazy, and computer skills are fairly stagnent as there is nothing much for me to do.
cycling has been just a 3 minute thingy.
Lastly, despite uni open the floodgate of knowing many girls, i have been only successful in entering only the friendzone, with a permanent residency there. FML MAX THANKS.

broke my fucked arm again, not cool at all. but well, just hope i dun have to go thru that 3 weeks of op recovery + 6mth physio again.. that was hell.
but then again, was happy with current fitness, got back BM, did a 10km(sundown), 16.8km(king of the road) and 21km(standard charted)

All in all, 2011 was fairly wonderful, though it would have been a blast if i got the girl of my dream instead of perma locked in friendzone.

So its 2012, i need new goals.
here it goes.

-push up the fucking gpa
-work towards staying hall fer nxt yr
-work on relationships with friends(faculty, 134, 7, dbe, classmates and of course, oners and MANY MOREEEE)
-go fer that crazy 42km sundown and complete it lika boss( yes i signed up)
-prepare fer biathalon fer 2013 if the world didnt end (procrastinated fer quite few YEARS)
-GROW UP( i wonder why is it a resolution though it comes naturally to many people)
-get a few more interesting license (POWERBOAT is not forgotten, and maybe a 1 star kayak is nice)
- learn photoshop, video editing and some useful programming which involves graphic (python c++ and suchs are useless fer doing impressive stuffs fer girls.. haha)
- lose weight has never been forgotten( in term of exercise)
-eat less and be thrifty( was spending far too much, and best part? im not doing part time, which made me all the more guilty)
****maybe i have tried far too hard fer a girlfriend, so fer tis year, it shall be,
-LOOK OUT FER POTENTIAL GIRLS. (though as of 10/1/12, i already had my eyes set on one, but i guess if i dont do something about giving her up, i will just fall deeper and get on her nerves more and more often. its not a good thing fer her, and the last thing i want is fer her to hate me)
****

for now, all these shall be good enough...
might just add a few more side tasks on the way!!
haha...
hope this year will have more success with completing these resolution.

b3n