my stories. my life

i remember having a blog of the same title of this entry
in it, it contains all my life happenings, but narrated in another name.

i closed it, thinking it no longer serve its purpose, as my life stories should be kept to those that know me, those that took part in my life.

and today, looking into her eyes, seeing her vibrant smile,
i realised our maturity difference is not only that mere 213days.

i had always thought im already very good. alright, maybe i have always been too confident of my abilities, too confident in my strength, so much so that it had overshadowed my weaknesses. friends have been protective and kind, as they have not put it squarely across me.

but today, i realised, there are so many better people out there.
that my acheivements are nth, absolute nothing in comparison to the so many much more better people out there.

i have always been trying very hard in everything that i choose to do, not giving up and perserve till i succeed.

since young, i was overshadowed by the smarter sister i have. everyone was encouraging, saying that im only more playful, instead of saying that im dumber den her. i didnt enter the em1 stream during pri 4 streaming, and it took mum quite some effort to enter, eventually. and i finally proved myself, by pwning sis by mere 4 marks in PSLE. i hate to be despised. i hate to be a shadow.

after entering sec sch, i got to know of a frenz that is a lifeguard, and i took a interest in it. but by the time i was to take the test for bronze medallion, i was wrongfully diagnosed as eardrum burst.being very sick, i still went for the test anyway, but was stopped by the examiner, seeing how sick i was. i was so upset about no longer being able to swim. but the mistake was corrected, and i got my BM alot slower den my group. i wun stop until im forced to. i will only press on like a bull.

in poly, im a loser. i can tell the world, without my mates, i wun be able to make it to uni. it is they who made going uni a must, and they are the ones that push me thru. during year1, all i did in class was to talk to some girls. yea, if u guys read it, u guys will knw hu im talking about. its damn easy to guess. i was even questioned about why im constantly smiling to myself in the screens. eventually, i didnt get the girl, but my best consolation was that friendship fostered, though i guess by now, they are already almost gone.

i went for community service, hoping that i can see the world, get rid of the fucked up mummy boii attitude, and hope that it would make me more mature(so that girls will fall for me=D ) but unfortunately, it not only didnt make me the guy i wan to be, it allowed me to be exposed to more of my own weaknesses and the harshness of the outside world. i couldnt take it during a period of time, and i almost break down. it would be hard to imagine the mighty b3n chai breaking down, as i have always been strong. luckily,it is the villagers there that taught me a valuable lesson. it has never only been about ur own tantrum, as it would definitely affect everyone else. u can be unhappy about something, but if u show it too obviously, everyone else would be affected, especially those that cared for u. my own mistake, im unhappy about it, i showed it, they thought its their fault, and they apologised to me. i felt like a fag. from then on, i would always try to be considerate to all those beside me, even if it meant i have a be happy when im very sad. and thats because, my dear friends, i dont want u guys to be sad because of me.

i went on to china. there, it made me realised what responsibility is. there, i learnt how to be independent. after my comm service, i was very confident in myself staying outside with friends. but there, with people u know so well, there still bound to be trouble and misunderstandings. i learnt some of it in the hard way, and im grateful that i had such special lessons there. im always the little boy in their eyes, not just because im younger in age wise, but also, of how childish i am when im in face with stress. i learnt to do my best in everything im involved in, even if its something thats totally out of my talent range. because effort will definitely be appreciated.

at the age of before 21, i have already enter hospital more than i can count. people says its a bad stuff, but i say, it made me take care of myself more, and let me know the importance of life. i have been overexerting myself for all these activities, making myself full of injuries and illness. im not going to stop, but i will better protect myself, as im afraid to go back hospital again. my advise here, dun waste ur life away with cigarette and alcohol. coz once damaged, it can never be repaired back to 100%

i have wriiten so much about myself, for im trying to reassure myself that i still have my merits, i still have my exclusive memories. im not a total nothing.
i need that confidence, i need to know i have certain advantages over others.


my story is not a least interesting,
but that's my life, a sad life.

心碎的声音
叮当地好听
我在收拾心情
但破碎的心灵
再美的手艺
再好的工具
也修补不了碎片的痕迹